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Dark Night of The Soul with Miracle Kitty, Kaydee

KaydeeHave you experienced a “Dark Night of the Soul”? A time in life when all that you know and hold dear seems to disintegrate leaving a terrifyingly empty, dark, vulnerable hopelessness in its place. Gregg Braden, author of Awakening to Zero Point, elaborates that this place of darkness is an “…opportunity to master their worst fears... by experiencing the worst possible outcome and then seeing themselves through this outcome.”

My night came during a crisis with my 2-year-old kitty, Kaydee.

I woke up to what I thought was a normal day. Little did I know my whole life was going to be turned upside down. I did my morning routine - watering the garden, meditating, and listening to the messages I receive from visiting the backyard medicine wheel. The message “watch Kaydee” was loud and clear.

That morning, Kaydee appeared normal but she spent most of the day on my bed. Every so often, I checked on her… she didn’t want to move or be petted. By late afternoon, after no change, I took her to the vet who told me that she had a blood clot affecting her hind legs and possibly a serious heart condition. It was uncommon for cats to survive this and she may not make it through the night!

I was in complete shock! Kaydee and I have been together in other lifetimes and in this life she is my “fur” daughter. Working from home, Kaydee is my constant companion and I would feel lost without her. I was confronted with feelings of guilt and one of my worst fears – being alone.

The vets were surprised when Kaydee made it through the night but she was not out of danger yet. The vet wanted to monitor her and, if she was still alive, I could take her home that night. That whole day I was crying constantly - focusing on my fears.

This was my Dark Night of the Soul.


Our medicine wheel garden (see June 2004 issue) is a constant source for receiving guidance. One of my housemates offered to walk the medicine wheel to see what messages she would get for me. The message was that this was a spiritual test… I was busy focusing on my fears instead of the healing power of love. I was to let go of the fear and focus on the outcome that was best for both of us.

I had often allowed negativity to take control of my thoughts – whether it was doubt, guilt, pessimism or fears – but when I heard this message something clicked inside of me. I focused ONLY on the positive and let Kaydee know that it was her decision whether to live and that I would accept her decision. I knew that she would always be with me, whether in the physical or not, but somehow we all felt that it was not Kaydee’s time to move on yet.

When we went to pick her up, the vet said she hadn’t eaten on her own and had only sat up once (exactly when we were sending distance Reiki to her). Kaydee was so happy to be home! She walked around, played a little and ate some food. She even jumped to the window ledge!

That night, I had dreams of Kaydee lying beside me, dead. I woke up and stroked her - and was so happy when she moved. The next morning, I told my friends about my dreams but that was the end of the discussion. I acknowledged the fear, but did not dwell on it! I constantly focused on my love for her, sending her the love and light.

Kaydee is still alive today, even though I do not know how long she will stay on the physical plane. We give her daily heart medication and she continues to grow stronger. She is eating more, playing more and more, enjoying roaming in our garden and chasing bugs.

Just as important - I have changed. I am enjoying and cherishing Kaydee in the moment, listening to her and providing what she needs - keeping the promises I made to her through this crisis. Kaydee has become our Miracle Kitty!


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